Paging Dr. Kildare...

So I needed to go in for a little medical procedure – nothing serious. I’ve actually had this procedure done once before; it is like a dental/oral surgery thing. Since I have had this done I was thinking back on how painful the recovery was and I vaguely remember my husband had something to do with that. It seems there was some event that caused him to be rather late from the pharmacy with the pain medication. Then I began to think of the many times I have had various medical procedures done and how each time there was some complication with the care I had gotten at the hands of Matt.

To know my husband is to love him. He really is the nicest guy you will ever meet. So as I write this I really don’t believe that this could be his sort of twisted way of venting any remote hostilities toward me. I don’t think he has any – he’s a pretty easygoing fellow. But as I tally the events of pain killer misadventures and after medical care mishaps I do get to wonder. Maybe this is some secret death wish…. Who can really be that nice all the time anyway? Just for amusement I will list a few episodes here.

After the birth of our first baby my temperature rose to 105 – Matt had to finish his watermelon before going to the pharmacy to get medication. Matt really loves watermelon – I don’t think he knew how sick I was.

Pulled Intercostal Muscle: Since it was so early in the am Matt felt a heating pad would be best before taking me to the walk-in clinic. Once in the doctor’s office she asked if she was seeing me for the strange squiggly burn marks on my back or was there some other problem we had come about.

Bunion surgery: Matt really wanted to impress me with his new and improved medical attentiveness and pledged to take perfect care of his patient, except he did not read the label clearly and gave me twice the dose of pain killer and I passed out. I slept for a very long time.

First endodontic (oral surgery) procedure: The doctor warned Matt that when the anesthetic wore off the pain would be very intense so he was on his way to the pharmacy but ----- he chanced upon a Persian woman in the medical building that was not so fluent in English and she needed a ride home and was trying to get a taxi, Matt gave her a lift and then it took forever to get the prescription filled. That was super painful.

Torn Lumbar Muscle: Oh this is my favorite! First Matt proceeded to drag me down the hall by my leg and then he tried to push my knees to my chest insisting that I only needed some stretching. Then at the request of the nurse over the phone he tried to feed me some blueberry muffin so the paramedics could give me some Vicodin, but he found the muffin pretty tasty and ate ¾ of it himself and the rest ended up in my hair or up my nose!

This is the itchy and scratchy show at its most loveable! I know a sane person would schedule medical procedures when he is out of town but I love him. If I feel sick or under the weather it is him I seem to want to be with. Don’t ask me why. Don’t get me wrong he is not like Kathy Bates in Misery this is all just some sort of mishap, really it is. So when the doctor told me that I needed to have this little oral surgery thing I asked if I could get the pain killer prescription up front. I went to the market and got everything I would need. Matt called and told me not to worry that he would take good care of me. I said sure – why not?

UPDATE: I had the surgery and after 23 years of marriage I can honestly tell you – he is getting good! All went well.