The Red Badge of Courage Part 3

It may seem as though I have forgotten all about the journey that I set out on – I have not. I have spent some time exploring, gaining lots of ground and sometimes coming back upon familiar territory.

In conversations with my sister I have referred to personal issues as something like a passenger in the back seat of the car. There was a Twilight Zone episode in which a woman picks up a hitchhiker and she keeps seeing him in the backseat of the car even though she let him off miles before. Of course he turns out to be the angel of death or some spooky thing like that. Life’s issues are like the hitchhiker. You may think they got out a while back but they still show up in the rear view mirror and when you look over your shoulder, sure enough they are sitting there staring you right in the face.

Courage is the high road that must be chosen when dealing with these types of clingy passengers. It is amazing how long I can just drive and drive and not look in the rear view mirror. I know that I ought to check all the mirrors in my vehicle from time to time, but I don’t. Often that simple minded barreling down the highway is intentional. Sometimes I just drive like a bat out of hell! It takes courage to look in the rear view mirror; it takes courage to choose to actually see. In that gaze I see not only who is in the back seat (making themselves comfy) but I see all the terrain I have left behind.

I have been in the process of trying to get to know these pesky little hitchhikers, who are they and what do they want? (Sometimes I’ve got to stare fear in the face and just look at what I don’t like about myself or my life.) If I am to have traveling buddies I want to get to know them a little better. I can not say they are interested in me the same way, on the contrary, I find they expect the same old fearful reactions from me. These stowaways expect me to be startled and runaway from the pressure of uncovering what I want from this journey. To consistently move past limitations and define my life on my own terms is not the trip my passengers thought we were taking.

I have had to take a few u-turns and detours on this route, but I am still in the driver’s seat. I am determined to reach my destination and the road is getting straighter and the pathway clearer everyday.

I love the creativity of these questions – Where do you want to go today? What do you want to create? How do you want to live? Who do you want to touch? What do you want to give?

Happy trails to you…

Yes, but can he sing?

Hmmm... this looks interesting. Johnny Depp as Sweeney Todd. But can the man sing? If you know Sweeney, you need that strong, menacing, out of your brain sort of tone for Sweeney. I am having some trouble hearing it in my head from Johnny, but I am willing to be open minded. It might be good even if he can't sing - we could turn the sound down and just watch Johhny Depp prance around in that waist coat and those tight pants. Although that doesn't work in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - no, not at all. But alas he was extremely fine in Chocolat the film set in the little French Village with Juliette Binoche. What wasn't fine in that film? I like Tim Burton and I think he is artistic, let's hope this works out.

Great Beer and Exquisite Cheese in Amsterdam

Well, I knew I’d find that. I took every opportunity to splurge on beer and cheese. What I did not know about Amsterdam was the popularity of bicycles. Everyone rides a bike. There were some cars but most people, even the pregnant mommies with only a week or so left to term, were on their bikes. New born babies were strapped to their parents’ chests and their little heads were sprinkled with rain drops. Toddlers were loaded into little wooden carts affixed to the front of the bikes and off they rode.

Our hotel was on this Canal and in a nice, not - so - touristy area. We had lovely accommodations. I did not see the red light district that everyone talks about but I was only there for a few days. When you go to the Dam Square shopping area it is really touristy and there were some sex toy type of shops with risqué toys in the windows right across from the McDonalds. I thought the Pot shops were funny. Bijan went into one to get some T-shirts for his buddies and they handed him a menu for pot. Since he was shopping with Matt it was unlikely that he would buy anything more than t-shirts. I knew from my research that they had public urinals right there in the street. The men can just walk behind a small metal screen and go. That was interesting.

I finally got to see the Girl with Pearl Earring; she creeps upon you in a room in the Mauritshuis Museum. Unpretentiously, this famous work of art just sort of waits for you to turn around and discover her, and it was all that I thought it would be – beautiful! I was really surprised to find the View of Delft, also by Vermeer, to be another favorite. It was much more impressive in person.

Amsterdam was bustling with small cars, bikes, canal boats and sidewalk cafes everywhere, but I got the feeling that there was less tension between the people that lived there. I got the feeling that it was ok to be however you wanted to be. The Dutch seem to be much more relaxed about human nature and the reality that people are all very individualistic. Conformity might not be so good for everyone and every personal preference is not left open to so much scrutiny. There is a pervasive feeling that it makes no sense to be so up tight in this life. I took the lesson of that attitude as a souvenir.

Oh, we also loved the syrup waffle cookies – really good with hot chocolate!

I’ve been to Mr. Darcy’s house!

If you have seen Pride and Prejudice with Kira Nightly and Mathew McFadden you will remember Mr. Darcy’s house. If you have not seen that particular Pride and Prejudice then what are you waiting for!!

Mr. Darcy’s house is Chatsworth house, or I guess I should say they filmed those sequences there at Chatsworth. But really, lets just stay in the dream of it all - magnificent Mr. Darcy, so noble, so good looking, (not at all “dragged through a hedge backwards” as Donna says.) and he lives there in that incredibly over – the - top house!

If you’ve seen the movie you may remember the sculpture room that Kira wanders into. Yes, it is there and yes, I went and was thrilled to see my favorite in the room the Veiled Vestal Virgin by Monti. It is incredible to think that soft filmy veil is actually marble and not a flimsy whisper of silk. But I fell in love with all of the sculptures especially the Canovas. And at the end of the room they retain the bust of Mathew McFadden as Darcy.

Funny, after we got home I was unable to sleep – over exhausted with jet lag and turned on the TV and guess what was on. I loved recognizing every step in the great house.

Sorry to be away so long...

Amsterdam was wonderful. In fact our entire trip was wonderful. I would have updated each day here on the blog except that my digital was not compatible with the computer at my sister’s house and we were really on the road as we covered four countries in two weeks. I think we only had one day that was down time.

Scotland has got to be the most beautiful countryside in the world. It really is as green as the photos and there is so much sprawling and lush land dotted with “white things” (sheep) and “brown things” (cows) – I mean everywhere! On our last day we visited Inverary, a little Loch side village in the north. The Castle in the photo is one we did not go into as we had been into so many and after Chatsworth house in England (more on that later) – well, it’s all down hill from there. Instead we shopped in the little village for goodies for our friends and had lunch at the George Hotel. Matt had to order Haggis which is like an oatmeal meatloaf served with mashed potatoes and mashed turnips. Surprisingly, it was pretty good.

In Scotland we also were fortunate enough to drive out to Drumlanrig Castle. This was a gold mine of artwork and extraordinary furnishings on beautiful grounds. I guess the previous year someone stole a Da Vinci from there. I wonder how that happens, but with so much glorious artwork filling the walls it may not be that hard after all.

Being a California born and raised girl, I am always in awe of houses and castles that are so completely old. It fascinates me because California has so very little historical buildings left. Besides the Missions, there just is not anything that is really historic – we certainly are a new country. So I am most impressed with the National Trust in the UK and how they work to keep everything preserved and open for the public to visit.

It was great to travel with my sister. She gave up her flat to us, shuffled us all over and helped get the most out of our trip. Considering we had one child visit the ER with an asthma attack, and one sleep in the hotel all afternoon in Amsterdam with the flue she was also flexible and understanding.

I must also mention that young Scottish men look really good in their kilts with tight tee shirts, Doc Martins and lots of chains!

My Chemical Romance

Megan is tired of my Fourth of July post and frankly - so am I. I have just been so busy and now I have been getting ready for my fabulous vacation. But before I head out I thought I would set the stage for my return.

I have come to the realization that I really need to get off the fake food! Don't get me wrong here, I love Jenny Craig but Im gettin a little itchy on these frozen dinners and packaged things. I mean it has been more than a year now.

I began to develop a concern about my fake food addiction not so much with the Jenny Craig food that I was eating – for I needed that to get my diet under control. (I had to start somewhere.) I became concerned with the onset of a particularly strange love affair I nurtured for Cool Whip. I mean to say that I put Cool Whip on everything, Have you ever read the ingredients for Cool Whip? There simply is no food in it. I can not pronounce any of the ingredients and I don’t know of a food group that any of those ingredients could be from. I was compelled to purchase mass quantities of Cool Whip each week at the grocery store. It was when I switched to the large Tub o’ Whip that I really became aware of what I was doing. What is this chemical? What is it doing to me? What are the long term effects of heavy doses of Cool Whip?

I began to pay uncomfortable attention to the other chemicals that I have grown fond of particularly my Coffee Mate Sugar Free French Vanilla Powder. What the hell is that? I am really not sure but every morning I jump out of bed because I am going to get some of that powder in my coffee and it will start my day right! Matt calls the Coffee Mate “cool creamer”. He drinks the regular liquid form of “cool creamer” basically he likes a little coffee with his French Vanilla creamer. A good day is when you have creamer and a bad day is when you are out.

I don’t know about the rest of you but this conspicuous consumption of powders and liquids that are concocted of un-pronounceable ingredients that represent nothing like real food is making me nervous. Coke, Pepsi, Sprite? At least wine has grape juice in it – I can deal with that. Splenda – it has been a little splendid but it is also a little spooky. I think that margarine product called “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” is hilarious. Of course we can’t believe its not butter – we have no freaking idea what it is, but as a society we seem to be ok with that.

Now if you are really looking for interesting reading about mystery things to put into your body look no further than the new weight loss aid Alli’s product description and side affects. Sorry, I wont go into that on this blog you will have to check that one out for yourself – absolutely too gross!

I am no health food nut. I like chocolate and wine and bread and all sorts of goodies that we need to eat in moderation only. But I just started wondering about the fake things I have been consuming. I wonder where they come from. I wonder how they are made. I wonder what those things will do to my body over the long term.

So I am going on vacation and I plan to eat real chocolate. I plan to eat incredible cheese. I especially plan to indulge in some magnificent wine and superb bread. When I come back I am embarking on a new diet journey. I need to end this chemical romance. I want to see if I can eat only food that I understand. Just food that makes sense, things I can pronounce and things that don’t appear to be altered too much. I realize this will be tough because even our toothpaste comes from China and has strange and harmful ingredients but I will just start out with my basic food and work my way up from there.

Sometimes I wake up and while drinking my powder infused chemically vanilla flavored coffee I wonder how we got so far from the simple things in life.

Happy 4th of July...

Happy 4th of July to all…

I have been serving on Jury Duty this week and last week. Obviously I can not and would not discuss the case, but I have to say that after trying ever so hard to get out of serving, I am actually glad to be serving. I have come to realize that I am very fortunate to have the opportunity to participate in government on any level.

One of the Judges at the courthouse said that he is always asked what one should say or do to get out of serving jury duty and his reply was that they should move to a country where there is no jury system. Uh…no thanks.

I would hope that if I need to have a jury that there would be some normal folks who could spare a little time to listen to my situation and help settle it in a fair way.

So I am feeling pretty patriotic and I am very grateful and feel fortunate to have been born here.

About 3 years ago I was in London with the kids and we had been traveling around for a week or two and we were in the National Portrait Gallery checking out the collection of wonderful paintings and images of so many historical characters.

After about a half hour we sort of met up in one room and were staring at one painting. At the same moment we all bent forward to read: “The Signing of the Declaration of Independence.” Again at the same time we all leaned back and realized that it was in fact July 4th and we quietly said happy 4th of July to each other. I think that was my favorite 4th of July celebration. No fireworks, no barbeque or sparklers, far from home, in a place where it was just an ordinary day for the people of that country, I realized that I had someplace special that I belonged. I realized that I was part of something great and meaningful.

Please have a happy and safe 4th of July!